My teen daughter died by suicide; here's what I wish you knew
Do You Wish You Could Go to Sleep and Never Wake Up? : Speaking of Suicide
Suicide Quiz & Help For Those Considering It
5 Disturbing Things I Learned Working At A Suicide Hotline
The answer, deep down, was no.
So we are in similar situations.
Being single and not having that special someone in my life makes life very isolating.
Being that you are clearly willing to gamble to relieve your suffering, let us consider other gambles you might take.